Having no control over the things your saying, which can include things like threatening to bodily harm/kill people/animals and other really terrifying things
The speed at which you can go from extreme anger and rage to being better about a situation is almost unnatural and really eerie to reflect on sometimes
Having to “childproof” you environment by locking up things like prescription pills, alcohol, sharp objects, lighters, etc.
Intrusive thoughts/voices in your head/saying or thinking things that feel like they come from someone else
Worrying that you’re going to hurt somebody (and I don’t mean emotionally I mean like worrying you’re going to black out in rage and stab someone to death)
Other people worrying you’re going to hurt/kill them and them taking visible precautions against it which make you feel worse
All or nothing emotions. Everything is too much or it’s nothing. The feeling like you have so many emotions your body can’t physically contain them or just feeling empty
The depression cycles where you can’t sleep or can’t eat or can’t get up to use the bathroom for hours on end
The extreme lengths people take to try and control you when you’re having an episode (especially if you’re a minor living with a parent) like locking you up or physically restraining you etc.
Not making plans for the future because you don’t think you’re going to make it that far for whatever reason
do you ever just desperately want to be okay again. want someone to break your skull open and rewire some neurons and just feel one single iota of dopamine that lasts more than an hour max. do you ever just want to live in the moment and not all up in your head for once
